I know not with what weapons World War IV will be fought, but World War III will be fought with the Geostorm trailer.

“Sorry about that. I literally had to fly in from outer space.” Fuck yeah you did, Gerard Butler. I was also unaware this was a second trailer. I dare not go back to watch the first after this masterpiece of schlock.

There are plenty of big, dumb action movies but there’s something truly special about schlock with a lack of self-awareness that it inhabits a special entertainment zone no other movies can even fathom. Geostorm looks like a perfect successor to Roland Emmerich disaster porn movies he hasn’t capitalized on since the likes of Independence Day and White House Down (a movie I wholly loved). Does anything make sense? How does controlling weather impact crops and livestock? Do they isolate rain locations? What evil mastermind is clearly behind the Geostorm disaster? I’m talking about the movie and the in-movie name of the disaster.

Geostorm was shot back in fall of 2014 with reshoots in December of 2016. This bad boy has been on the shelf for three years with an updated direction from Danny Cannon – the man behind Judge Dredd and I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. The original director, Dean Devlin, was primarily a producer and writer on Roland Emmerich films. God bless him.

Seriously, when aliens make contact with the human race, I want to show them this trailer as the pinnacle of artistic achievement. Gerard Butler movies don’t always win me over but I’m always excited to watch him kick ass or juggle fluctuating accents along the way. Olympus Has Fallen isn’t my cup of tea but there are two things to consider:

  1. The first movie has him stabbing someone in the head, which at least on some level, means it’s the greatest movie ever made.
  2. The trailer for London Has Fallen is definitively the best TV spot ever made. For those who haven’t seen it, it is simply titled “STAB” and you can watch it here. 

When you watch as many videos on Youtube as I do, you get used to skipping through the ads within a few seconds. I’ve watched the Geostorm trailer every time it comes across my screen. Can’t stop, won’t stop.